the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Randomize
