because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
