Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
