Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
