So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
