the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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