I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
