We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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