I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
