Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just threw up on my dentist
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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