those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
