Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
