So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
