I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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