I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
