He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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