i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
