So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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