The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
