my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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