why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
