That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
