she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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