his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
