How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
