walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
