eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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