I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
