if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
