Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
