She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
