I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
