So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
