so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
