so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
