So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found your dick twin last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
