That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Come on in and take your pants off
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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