Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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