Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
