He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
