Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
