I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
