What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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