i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
