Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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