We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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