so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
