Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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