I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
