fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
