I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
