the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
