I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
