The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
