I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
