He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
