my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
